I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize