I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
