And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
