Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
handjob tips. give me some.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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