Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Couch. On fire.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
