This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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