i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
