I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
