I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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