nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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