Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
