i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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