and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
