my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
