They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
