did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
