Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
