Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
