This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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