Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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