I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
