Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
