My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dignity is for republicans.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
