i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize