Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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