Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
