I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
