he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
