just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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