Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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