the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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