She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize