I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
that is very illegal...i love you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
