if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My first STD was from a foam party
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
