Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i will never coherently bang her
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
