No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
