smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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