we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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