No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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