Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
