By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
