I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize