it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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