So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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