...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I want to have your abortion
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
