He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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