i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
