i don't like sucking hair
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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