it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
