New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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