i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
