She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i drank out of a bidet.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
