he puts the penis in happiness.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
