Apparently you make a good broom.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
even my farts smell like vagina
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
