Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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