is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
