Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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