And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
