Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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