i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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