i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
