where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
this hospital has no fireball
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
