she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
