sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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