i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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