so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
