I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
