It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
